Category: Relationships

Day 2: A Saturday cleansing fiesta!

Constant hangry behavior from all four of us on day two. We are all doing our best to honor my wife’s insane request for a ten-day smoothie cleanse. On top of that we are blessed to be incorporating the colon cleanse as an added bonus. I can’t begin to explain nor would I the things that I experienced this morning at 6:00am this morning. Thank God for air freshener.

As the past two days have gone by everything I see relates to food. I’ve never realized how many commercials talk about food. Thousands a day. It’s like when your buying a new car then magically you see the same make and color everywhere you go. Have to say though, the upside is that I have lost three pounds already. I’m sure the experienced diet pro would say that it was just water. I’ll take it. Any evidence that this hell ride is productive is a good thing. I did work on the opening pages of a new book this morning so that’s also good. About mid-day we went to the lake and watched our youngest son paddle around in his Kayak. The distraction was good for all of us.  All in all, I would say this exercise in restraint has been fruitful. The family is more connected than ever as we watch each other to see who will be the first to snap. My children will talk about this for decades. In about five years it might actually make us laugh. Actually, when Michelle called us down to dinner tonight I yelled out that I only want two pieces of dark meat roasted chicken with my garlic mashed potatoes. I think someone laughed as we all slivered down to the kitchen for our green smoothies. Pedro is having a great day though. He finished off the rest of my sloppy Joe today and got to go to the lake with us. I keep waiting for this euphoric clarity, something similar to the runners high. It hasn’t happened yet. Maybe tomorrow….sigh

 

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Officially Day one…(The Cleanse begins)

Day 1:

As most weekend days, my Jack Russell friend moans at me to start his day. No one thing could be more important than his assured outside morning walk and his three-course breakfast. I spoil him because he deserves it. I look over at my sleeping wife bear and smile. Today is the cleanse! The things you do for love. I do the morning things then jump into my truck to make my way to a haircut appointment. The cut goes well and I decide to run errands while the sleeping hungry people sleep.

My hangry side is kicking in and I lovingly call my Michelle to let her know that the anticipated sexy green smoothie that I was to have for breakfast was missing in action. I take my coffee black and have decided to keep those precious two-morning cups firmly in place. If not for the coffee I might have already gone rogue; coffee makes me nice. My Michelle lures me back home with the promises of the best smoothie ever! She is nervous I can tell. She wants this to go well and wants company on this insane venture. I reel in my crappy attitude and make my way to the kitchen bar stool. I want this to be good for her. She is the best wife ever, for my Michelle, I will walk across this metaphorical broken glass floor barefoot and be smiling. I can say this with confidence because it’s only day one. I got this. The bright green drink filled with fruits and lettuce is actually pretty tasty. No really.

The day rolls on, I venture back out to buy twelve colored mason jars so we can all have our three drinks made ahead of time each morning. A skipped drink could turn any of us four angry family members into vicious killers. Such angry thoughts; it’s only the first day. As the day progresses along I can feel my cells trying to let me know something. I’m not sure what they are saying but their pushing and shoving mood is speaking to me softly from within. Things are already beginning to stir in my body and this first day is most definitely a taste of what is to come.

This evening I walked into the kitchen and found my daughter gazing into the pantry. She was too close for comfort. I politely encouraged her to be strong and get the hell away from the pantry! Michelle and I just finished snacking on some raw carrots and zucchini. I tried to lay on the couch with her to watch Murder on the Orient Express but could not stay awake for it’s mumbling guilty characters. Now I’m doing this. Typing into the abyss. Who knows if anyone will read it. It’s ok, it keeps my mind off food. Day one is on the downside. Day two will no doubt be interesting. Tonight we take the nice little pills that Michelle innocently says will cleanse our families colons. It hurts to write that last sentence. I take this seemingly nonconfrontational pill.

Gentleman, start your engines!

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Cleansing anticipation

Day 01: I pull into the driveway after a long week of work. It’s Friday evening. My pleasant Friday has arrived, the day before the plunge or purge as it were. Pulling into my driveway, my mind races to begin the evening’s blessings. Michelle will be making extra sloppy Sloppy Joes and stuffed baked potatoes tonight. She will be piling the plates high tonight because she knows the dreaded cleanse is upon us! Tonight there will be music, beer, and movies! Tomorrow will be different. The next ten days will be different.

My special wife has been promoting a green smoothie breakfast lunch and supper undertaking. After several weeks of hinting, suggesting, then outright pleading that we as a family join her on this batshit crazy cleansing concept. I along will my two reluctant teenagers agreed to join in. We made Michelle’s year. We committed ourselves to her bloody torture. Ten foodless days! There will be the occasion apple, boiled egg, and the extra sexy green smoothies. That sounds good? Out of love for Michelle we agreed. The family’s committing to my wife’s hellish request.

It’s 10 days, how bad could it be? There is the special added feature to this adventure, Colon cleansing pills that we will enjoy throughout this three day Memorial Day weekend. Yep, there will not be burgers on the grill or evening wine. There will be green smoothies and colon cleansing for all! It occurs to me that our house only has three bathrooms and there are four of us. That could lead to issues.

I spend most of Friday night sipping beer and thinking about the leftover bowl of Sloppy Joe that I saved for a late night snack. The problem is, I fell asleep and now it’s Saturday morning. Crap! What was going to be the best late night snack ever would now have to be tossed out because life as I knew it is over. Day one has begun. It’s good though. I will lose my belly fat and my wife will adore me for engaging in her cleansing hell. I got this.

 

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Ripples, Echos, and Divorce

I came across a divorce blog from a thoughtful blogger today. Her handle is stilllearning2b  Her blog reminded me that I have come along way since being thrown out of the house and having to work three jobs to put my life together. I was ripped into so many pieces back then. My bloodshot eyes and state of shock life were spinning out of control or so it seemed at the time. My marriage of twenty-one years ended. For the record, ended against my will. I wrote a cathartic divorce recovery book during the years of recovery. It’s called The Consequences of Breathing. It was my companion during the purgatory of pre-divorce and my best friend for years after. Keeping this journey in a word document saved my sanity during the lonely late nights of my new and forced rebirth. I recommend journaling or even going the distance to put out a book if you can force your self to get it all down and into the keys. It is good to get it out. It was how I coped back in the day of divorce world. If not journalling, then talking to a friend or even a stranger helps. Strangers can be like angels in disguise during divorce and recovery.

I think of those early days of separation from time to time. It was living hell on earth, to put it mildly. I did grow though. I fought through the pain and legal battles. I finished raising two beautiful children who have since grown up and are leading fruitful lives. Trust is the only hurdle I never was able to gain victory over. I have since married the most amazing woman. We’ve been married for eight years now and even though she exhibits monumental positive characteristics, trust for a long-lived marriage is a mental struggle. (If you read this post Michelle, no worries. I love you like crazy) I’m always waiting for that day where it all ends again. I hope it will never come.

Good luck and peace be with you. I welcome your thoughts……..

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Rainy Saturday

It’s raining outside today, which is a welcome change from the hot Summertime normal. I sat in the living room for an hour or so spending time with my wife. The more I’m with her the more I love her.

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Fourth of July

I declare my independence from conformity! I am an author, a wildly successful American writer! Well…someday.  amazon.com/author/robertmilstid #independence #booksamerican-flag-e1429595287831

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Father’s Day goodbye

Father’s Day goodbye

The sun is just peeking out of the orange and blue Texas morning sky. My eight years of youth sits in impatient anticipation of your midnight blue Ford pickup truck. It’s going to be a great Sunday at the Rio Bravo motocross track. You divorced mom this year so I am forced to wait to only see you on the weekends. Our time riding to the track will never leave my mind’s eye. The race bike cleaned four times over strapped in the back of the truck with all of my leathers, helmet and gear as well. Racing on the weekends ruled my world. Watching you with your Schlitz beer after many beers watching me have the time of my life is how I like to remember you. What I don’t want to remember is the years of violence. Your many nights of destroying TVs, clocks, lamps and more. Everyone who lived around us and everyone that we knew feared your rants. You were a whisky drinking cowboy with pre-internet values. You were not afraid of a fair bar fight and when things were unbalanced a gun or a knife was always nearby.

I was always like the calming eye in your many storms. When all was not ok and the drinks and whisky violence left others in our midst afraid and uncertain, I was ok. I never told you how that made me feel. I guess it was an honor to be so loved and cherished by you I never thought I needed to tell you how nervous my young life was. I thought I had more time. Time is a liar.

When someone wants to hire me these days it is because of your endless days of putting me on job sites that forced me to carry the heavy loads of getting things done. I started out carrying a center block in each hand as we moved and set up mobile homes. I carried a skill saw in one hand and a motor drill in the other to get the endless jobs into high gear. I made electrical connections and ran PVC plumbing parts to a leak free conclusion. I installed toilets and built counter tops. I did all of this for under the table spending money and for your approval. You did approve; this approval was apparent in the way you bragged about me to anyone who would listen. Thanks dad for all of that pride. You kept my cup full.

You taught me to live big or go home. You displayed a larger than life way to make your way through the long and winding road of life. To this day I wonder if I execute these lessons of do it yourself. I would like to think I do. People seem to like me like they did you. Family was on edge but your peers all thought you were the best. I guess it was your generous spirit, hardworking ethic and of course your brilliant blue eyes and accommodating spirit. Let’s not paint too much forgetfulness. You made things hard for most of those who loved you and for some who crossed you. You were not without fault and you should be ashamed of bits and pieces of damage you caused. That being said I love you anyway.

Here I am some twenty years after your violent suicide thinking of you on Father’s Day. I miss you so much, so much that no one will ever know. This is my struggle. I struggle daily with your big exit even to this day; I will put that in a time capsule and bury it in exchange for the good memories of playing pool in various ice houses, eating Whoppers at Burger King and so much more. I prefer to remember the hundreds of fishing trips we took. I will think of you and your gentle spirit that let me walk through the woods with you hunting squirrel, deer and duck. I like to remember how you polished your cowboy boots most every morning as we shared coffee and schedule strategy for the coming work day.

When I look in the mirror I see you. I see the real me but I see you. I hope I am half the dad you were as I continue to parent my four amazing children. I hope they grow old and remember my good qualities and ignore the numerous pitfalls. I want to thank you wherever you are these days. If I know you are doing just fine. Probably spending the day with some hot and friendly angel. Forgive me for the times I let you down, forgive me from walking out on the family business to be a stupid artist. It did serve me to leave though. I can write, build and create a so many things! Thank you for your lessons, your leadership and for always loving me. I never got to say it when I wanted to so I will say this with a confident tear falling down my proud face; goodbye dad. It’s Father’s Day so happy Father’s Day! I love you.

Goodbye dad.

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